my phone needs a breathalizer
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my liver is dry heaving
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
