There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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