it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
false alarm, still single
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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