I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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