how can u be prego again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
