yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
