Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
