Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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