call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I die, sorry about rent.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
