someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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