do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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