You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
