She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
