My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
