marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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