i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
