why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
