She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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