The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
