she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
