I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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