Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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