He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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