then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
