True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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