im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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