No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
