It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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