he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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