the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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