Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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