Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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