like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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