I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
