best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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