They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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