Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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