You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
