so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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