She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
