i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
