Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize