last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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