apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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