I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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