guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
