I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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