After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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