if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize