I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
