my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
