My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
