thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
