After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
