What did we do last night that was yellow?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
