fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
