i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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