if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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