Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
