I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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