Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize