Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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