didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
