Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize