as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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