If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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