I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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