Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
