Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
