NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
