When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
