the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
