And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
