K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
