The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
