mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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