i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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