i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
