No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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