I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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