Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
