Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
