I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
