i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
