The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
