the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
