I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
