I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
