Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
