Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I've blown a few things in my day
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
