Nicole vs. Life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
